Comin to Jesus

So here's the deal. It’s clear to me that I want it all. The glory without the effort – in love, work, even my own body and mind and soul.

My narcissistic tendencies and habits really are like a prison.

As my coach has said, “this is a tendency of yours which starts the pity train and [leads to] catastrophizing.”

I’ve been walking around my narcissism for my whole life. This is the last big issue that I have to surrender. I have to let it go completely.

BUT, that doesn’t mean I have to be bored – and I think that’s where I’ve been tripping up myself. Yes, going to WIE meetings, working out and meditation are essential, but so - for me - is a sense of adventure and fun.

I’m still lost about that (afterall, what does enlightened adventure look like?) but with all the resources at my finger tips, I think I can figure that out. The Ed Artis interview on wie.org discusses what it’s like to be a knight for peace. Not jazzed about the way he discusses his life ( http://www.wie.org/directory/person.asp?id=255 ) I do love the idea of meaningful, spiritual adventure

I will always face steep challenges in my work, my marriage, etc. Mostly, I’ll probably always be alone in this world – even though I’ll soon be a dad. The best thing I can do, is to make a wonderful contribution to those around me.

I can feel such cosmic resistance to my selfish behavior. The more I shout out “ME ME ME” the more the universe seems to say “NO! NO! NO!”

So, I really dont have any choice. Stay miserable or take responsibility for my soul and life? it's a no-brainer.

I will return to the enlightened disciplines that have worked so well, and remain particularly aware of the temptation to induldge in my ego and self pity. Even though it will be familiar, I can't take the exact same approach - last time, I didnt really embrace the first and probably most important tenant: Clarity of Intention.

Hopefully, I've learned my lesson.