For the past several weeks, I've been praying to be a better person. It's one way of connecting to the Universe and taking responsibility for my life.
Yesterday, I decided to surrender to Jesus and the Universe; to let my ego become subordinated to the greater power that is the Life Force. The One that decides all things. (Too bad there isnt more clear language to describe whatever that is - God, Consciousness, etc etc etc. none seem to really be obvious)
later that day, I came to think that maybe my destiny wasnt being revealed to me, b/c i wasnt ready. The thought so clearly resonated b/c it made so much sense. Knowledge or power in too-junior hands can be a disaster and ruin chances later on, i think.
So, last night I prayed again. Prayed to be a better person by saying the Our Father over and over till I fell asleep. This morning I awoke with the thought that I am ok with feeling weak. That I find comfort in it.
As I contemplate this, I can see numurous examples of being ok with feeling weak since I was a kid. Even see a kind of glamour to it, which is, well, pathetic, in the objective sense.
Feeling weak is compelling to be sure. It has a kind of social acceptance to it, as in 'well that guy is just weak, what do you expect' or, 'he's too weak for that'. And then, whoever has that perception, moves on and I get away with not having to do something or rise to some challenge.
Unsurprisingly, I also allow others to be weak by my example and my direction.
Just had to breathe a big sigh, thinking about the vastness of this pattern.
All the more reason to keep praying to be a better person, and finding new and additional ways to become strong.
Maybe then, I'll learn of my destiny.
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