Cruelty

Linda says that I am very disappointed in myself and feeling guilty about not defending my brother and sister when I was a kid. She also helped me to remember that I actually did ask for help at home from my teachers, but they accused me of making it up. The other kids then laughed at me. She says that when I look back at those days, I am very very hard on myself, expecting that I should have done more, but when I look at Fia and Tessa, I obviously have a different attitude. She says that I am drowning under a lake of self-blame and THATS what's getting in my way. She says I am so quick to find what I did wrong and then pounce and pounce. It's cruel and it's why I am cruel to others.

11:39 AM

I cant deal with the cruelty for long, so I try to escape via fantasy and denial or I get profoundly depressed.

So, she says I need to breathe in forgiveness and light - particularly after meetings (weird) and also vent, in writing, about my disappointment in myself at a young age.