A Love Letter To My Wife

For years I was lost, totally confused about how my wife loved me, or if she loved me. I thought all kinds of wrong-headed things that are pointless to go into now, because a) they're irrelevant and b) they're listed on multiple posts in this blog. 

She is the one who called 911 and made sure I wouldn't kill myself. She is the one who shouldered the burden of keeping the house and family together while I slept and took a break from sanity. She is the one who gave me the space I needed and the attentiveness I needed, when I needed them. 

She is the one who really loved me when I couldn't love myself. 

And it's not only how she demonstrated her love during my recent crisis, it's how she's been demonstrating it throughout our marriage - in the non-glamourous ways of silently and diligently making sure the kids are happy, healthy, and rewarding. She demonstrated it in the dozens - probably hundreds of times - she reached out to me, innocently trying to support me or ask me questions or listen to me. Instead of being rewarded with like kindness. She demonstrated her love and kept her heart open while I did everything I could to run away from her.

But this isnt about me, its just about the context in which she gave her love. And after years of being there for me, she had to watch me consider suicide. No rewards and still steadfastly in love with me. 

Amazing. I am so grateful for her!