Maybe I just need to learn to be more of my own person. I think I am still very tuned into how others feel about me and treat me. I have a lot of difficulty not being overly sensitive in that way.
I often am thinking about how to protect myself from hurt feelings and I'm often saying to myself, in essence, "when are 'they' going to wake up and treat me better??"I continually deplete my personal resources in the name of 'measuring up' to other's expectations and/or what I imagine are others' expectations.
I imagine a place and a set of people that will finally understand me and treat me well. I wont have to stand up for myself. I wont have to be persistent. I wont have to deal with confrontations. I'll be in a peaceful state and mostly experiencing harmony. Where there is conflict, we'll band together and collaborate in a highly productive and evolutionary way.
But, that's not even close to realistic and it sets me up for huge disappointments.
What is more realistic, I think, is simply accepting things for what they are and looking to apply my wit and ambition (such as they are) to improve things. And, I need to prioritize my mind-body-soul wellness more, to keep those resources thriving.
I am my own yardstick of success. Not others.
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