relationships

I was reflecting on my need for approval and my current thoughts about pulling together a long-term plan for my career.

I realized that's the 'law of attraction' that pulls me quickly into relationships. I seek approval from someone, making their ideas and opinions very important (arguably crically important). I put myself under a lot of pressure to get that approval - and a nice side-effect is that I grow a bit, probably.

Then, when I finally do get that approval and see myself on this person's level, I put them under the same amount of pressure and get very dissolusioned.

Sometimes, I continue to seek that person's approval, because it's a moving target. I can think of at least one long-term friendship and several jobs that fit that description. If that's the case, I get dissolusioned because I have chosen to act differently than who I really am. I'm getting nothing in return and so I curl up and wait for the friendship to end, which it almost always does.

Reflecting on this...

I can see that i choose ppl who's approval i can get quickly (suckers) or when
they have something glamorous about them- typically business attributes.

In the end: THEY DONT REALLY CARE.

This explains my snobby/elitist behavior with certain ppl and I shudder to think about the "you dont really matter" message I send out when dealing with them.