Exploring My Heart

I just connected with my friend Linda, who was only interested in giving me a "break-through."  Well, she delivered.

• Started w my wife judgements; essentially - "how could she" type statements, which conveyed a sense of betrayal and superiority 
• How I squared that with reality: I took ownership of my own considerable failings and weaknesses and acknowledged that it's not all ADDHD to blame. 
• So, whats up w my heart?  It's really beaten up; still strong, but it's been through the gauntlet of being taken-for-granted, ignored, betrayed, and lied to. Yet, it's still there for me; still accessible. I asked it a couple of questions and the answers were just very... innocent, honest, and simple. 
• Why?  I'm - or was - afraid that if I let my heart become healthy, it would somehow take over my life. Like letting an immense stallion horse out of the barn. (My heart, is a stallion, but a sorely beaten-down and almost sickly one.)
• It's about listening first, then dialog. It became clear that what my heart really needs is to just be listened to; to be treated gently and honestly, and with compassion. Maybe some of what I say can be a positive influence on my heart - I just dont know right now. The process of listening and interpreting, however, was calming and kind of wonderful. 
• That's what I plan to do.  In a prior post, I asked myself, what would be the one thing that I could do to effectively drive the ME index up - in the way that reaching out to friends and fam, daily, creates goodness for all the RELATIONSHIP criteria?  As a result of today, I can have a daily conversation with my heart, wherein I mostly listen and understand. I think that deepening sense of myself will drive up ME performance, plus a whole lot more...