Learning more about my approach Pt1

I recently dropped off the plan.  A series of heavy-duty obligations at work, plus a three-day bout with the stomach flu basically torpedoed my daily drill.

To make matters worse from a discipline standpoint, I'd been waning in my organization, workouts, and meds anyway.

It helped me to see the very real and large value of my daily drill. During that three weeks I became increasingly overwhelmed, withdrawn, lonely, and exhausted. That combination of weakness and poor perspective led me to begin thinking about the end of my marriage again - not seriously, mind you, but the same old thoughts reappeared. I shut down and basically ignored her even when she spoke directly to me. I started feeling like a divorced dad again.

Then, after a decent night's sleep and getting a full dose of my Adderall into me, I started to think a bit more lucidly. Of all my options, making this work is the best and most important by far. Everything else is just hero complex fantasy.


It is difficult, for sure, to be in this marriage and in my overall predicament. My status, career, relationships, and skills are all deficient for my age. When I look at that closely, it's overwhelming and a bit depressing. But it's also a source of intel in building my foundation.

The experience of leaving and returning to the Drill has given me new perspective and appreciation for it. It's helped me to see what I need to create in my marriage, also. After all, almost everything springs from that.

So, in just a few days, we go to Jamaica to celebrate our 10th. We'll have 6 days or something to reconnect, relax and plan out our future a bit. During that time, and the time leading up to it, I will slowly introduce her to a perspective, then a methodology, that will enable us to operate from a truly shared perspective.

Within that approach, I think she may let me support her and guide her a bit. We'll have to see.

She's prickly, that one. She often protects her insecurities and hides from me. She often hides what she cannot do or communicate. Yet, she has wonderful qualities. Maybe she's prickly because of me...