Enemy Within

After investigating Workaholics Anonymous, time management classes, and thinking a lot about my approach to work, i think i may have developed a more accurate way of thinking about the challenges in my life. A little site called adrenalineaddictsanonymous.com has a 60-page pdf that describes the happless merry-go-round of my life thus far:

• This is our simple concept. Stress is not, for the most part, a result of uncontrollable
  external forces. It is, instead, an equally uncontrollable addiction to our own adrenaline.
  Perhaps, until now, this process has been unconscious, but it is not “it”, or “them”, or
  “they”, who produced our “stress”. It is us.

Bummer. But, how true. The 'enemy' all along has been me. The adrenaline I get from my stressful situations - telling people and myself that I'll "make up for lost time on the back-end" - which gives me an excuse to drive like a lunatic; exploiting situations that have allowed me to appear as a "white knight" rushing in to save the day to provide advice or comfort, or in other ways take over the responsibility that others should have for themselves; over-promising to others and myself; dreaming up 'conquering hero' fantasies; fancying myself as being much more learned, accomplished, and talented than i probably am; and, generally rushing rushing rushing without thought for the consequenses.

It would be too easy to say that i simply am immature, or have a big ego. Those labels, while perhaps appropriate, do not get at the root of my lagging adult progress. The need for a constant buzz, however, sends problems and the need to solve them out the window. Everything is fine. More chaos creates more buzz.

I'll try to finish reading the pdf tonight - or within a couple days, at least. As well, I think i may need an executive coach to help me break the cycle of impulsive behavior and workaholic workplaces.

If I can get this under control and learn some solid self-management skills, i think i then can resume my push toward financial independance. One step at a time though. Who knows how long this will take.