Enlightenment

It's funny how I'm here. When I started this path, i decided that I really wanted to be in a 'performance' work environment, that I wanted to make a lot of money, and that i wanted to be free from the BS constrains of my current boss.

So I'm here, but i realize - through the process of learning about enlightenment - that my compass was a bit off. I wanted to be rich and enlightened. I didnt realize that those two things are practically opposites of one another, since being enlightened is to trust in the greater flow of consiousness and being rich is to accumulate stuff.

Desipte my income - which has more than doubled since 06 - i still feel like I'm not getting paid enough to deal with the stresses of this job. It's not rewarding at all, and since i'm still in my early 40's, this is just the beginning.

I still have 20 or 25 years ahead of me, and when I think about my profession and my career path during that time frame, i really just dont care. No passionate aspirations come to mind, no visions of grandeur or jacob's ladder of responsibility and perks. When I think of the future, i just see a blank canvas. Or, more ingratitude for a even greater amount of work and saccrifice on my part.

It's just not worth it.

But, what else is?

I've been thinking about some of the patterns I've experienced in my life, and the most obvious is that I can set a course and keep it. I can set out to accomplish a big goal - like being VP of Marketing, making $170k + bonus - and reach it.
That's intersting and gratifying, but as I think about my path toward enlightenment, i wonder how important setting and reaching goals actually is.

Another thought I've had, (and maybe blogged about) is the idea that maybe this job is just a bootcamp to teach me to be more present and disciplined. Naturally I dont want to get fired, so I'm really focused on rising to that challenge, on a personal level.

Lots of questions... no answers yet...