Little Rich Snob

One of the worst courses of action I've taken was to pretend, during my late teens and early 20's, that I was rich and automatically destined for greatness.

That phrase - destined for greatness - came up again and again in my conversations, as I spent more and more time thinking about the person I wanted to become in the future. I saw myself as a future famous actor at times, but more often, I wanted to enter politics and become President of the US. I saw my path to the Presidency laid out before me as an entitlement; a certainty.

Yet, I was a lower-middle class, obnoxious kid who was studying offset printing. Plus, I was a terrible student.

I alienated everybody. And, that was so, because I myself was alienated from true friendships and relationships throughout my childhood. My bitter youth, filled with pain from being hit, anxiety over impending future arbitrary punishments, and loneliness was further compounded by my low-income background in a wealthy town. I was stressed at home and at school to the level that I was continually nervous and fearful. Everywhere I went, I faced the very real probability that I would be mocked or hit.

Inside, I knew there was more to me than my fearful behavior. I took solace in my imagination and therefore finished the isolating work of my father. By the time I entered college, it was obvious that I would never fit in, since I'd been on the outside for so long.

It took me years to finally realize that living a successful life would require me to observe patterns and embody the ideal version of those patterns. I still struggle with that and still feel too conscious of myself sometimes.