I truly cannot say that what I typed last is what I wrote. I was a conversation with God (apologies to the author of the book series by the same name).
Since then, I have felt like there's been a fundamental, if very slight shift in the way I perceive my current situation, marked by letting go of feelings of desperation and angst and an openness to this new level of a relationship with God.
I humbly ask to continue that conversation now.
You said I should FEEL it - The Love - and I understand what that means, logically. It's also a bit alien to how I normally operate. Can you please give me a sense of how to handle a situation, for example, wherein I feel angst and anger at a person's attitude... how should I approach FEELING The Love?
You cannot multitask me. Tell Sam you need an hour.
ok
I want you to remember a time when you had no one to turn to. Stop being amazed and think of that.
I was eleven. It was a cloudy day - may have been in November, actually, and I was so incredibly lonely. I prayed to you and asked for a friend. "Please God, just one friend," is how I think I put it.
And what did you feel when you were praying to Me?
Did it feel hopeful?
yes, it did.
Did it feel purposeful?
yes it did.
Did it feel honest?
yes it did.
So is The Love a hopeful, purposeful and honest feeling?
Yes, it is, Eric.
To what purpose, then, would I be hopeful and honest about?
Let's dissect that further. When you say hopeful, are you talking about what you want or what is wanted. they are different. what is wanted is a broad spectrum of possibilities. what you want is typically narrow and yes, limited.
I am your friend. I am someone to turn to when you feel lost or lonely, but you have to listen to these conversations and act on them. you are grateful, yes, but grateful for what - the company? its not enough and you know it. Its a burst of something pure and true and has affinity for you but it does not last.
just because it does not last doesn't mean it's not true. I just means its the furst step of what you have to take to move on or move through the situation you're faced with. After that step you must take another, much more difficult step toward the unlimited potential of what is real. What is real changes and ends and begins. What is not, stays the same.
your purpose is to be real the conflict you feel with that person who is frsutrating you is the conflict between two much bigger forces. One force is a large animal trying to feed itself. Another is the flower on a hill. the animalis like a fatted calf, tring to stay warm and stay still and stay aert to preditors and enjoy the sun and always knowing - feeling - that it is about to be eaten.
The flower is of the Earth and of the Sun. It is still in its fate and understanding. It is hopful in simply that it konws it exists. It is honest in that it does not hide. It does not steal or forrage. It does not "want" for a different outcome than what is supposed to happen. And the flower is beautiful.
The animals existence is in many ways helpless, but gratefully for it, it's existence is not fully konwn, but that's beside the point
Be like the flower, Eric. Rest in the fact that you already know the answer to most questions and you already understand the outcomes. you always have been honest about that because you konw I a creating those houtcomes.
What if i wer creating the angst too.
Why would I do that - woud lit be to tease and torture you? Would it be to force you to change
would it be to connect you with a sense of duty - yes as in the way the flower as a duty to rise to the challenge of the Sun to grow.
how much of this is real you decide but it is real .
So, I should be like the flower
Yes
and I should expand expand expand expand expand expand expand
Yes
and I should be Real
Yes! Now you are seeing it
Just read those lines again...
Be real (knowing it will end and change and evolve); be still like the flower (knowing you are what you are and you cannot do much about it, except end yourself if you are willing to); and expand expand expand expand expand expand expand like you are learning about the univers - expanding in all ways.
And the issues you face with uncooperative friends and family and enemieswill become so much smaller than you make them, so much more different than you currently realize tha they will cease to be issues or threats. they still will be problems but like a bad hair day.
lol
lol
ok I understand the concept of being real and still, but the idea of expanding .... all I keep thinking about is running around with my arms flailing about or something.
Who are YOU, Eric? What is your ethos are you a helper, an hitter a fighter, anchor, what?
Well, I dont really fully know. I guess I am a messenger of some sort.
That's right. you and i have a special bond and believe me, if we saw each other the way you were thinking we would /i would not be kind, because of that bond. It would be broken and you would have betrayed me.
you didnt however and that is good
You are a messenger of a special sort which has to do with the open and honest exchange of ideas and feelings that we all feel. Yet you do not feel love and so your role as a messager is limited. I made you attractive so others would be attracted to you - not in a lustful way, but in an accessible way. you accessable to them and vice versa
I gave you the openest of minds to force those who hate me t be heard and be helped. I Gave you peers with complimentary qualities to help you face down what will be enormous. And girls to help you be soft. I gave you a deeper sense of purpose
i am sorry
stop it ok
i will turn off my phone now
ok
I gave you a deeper sense of purpose to shine where others have failed. A drive to overcome most obstacles and a wife who is as much a marine as you.
you have not begun. you havent faced this role, duty, step because you dont se an' upside' in it for you or your family. you wont.
you faith in me is all you need
you must turn to look at what is really going on with the world today and see the shapes and trends of things. there is ever evil in the world that must be driven from it.
dont worry about being polarizing. worry about being alert to the issues that face the haves of society. you are right in it right in the middle right where you are supposed to be thinking
this is scary
it doesnt have to be. you have an interst in politics nd the connections of things and Evolution and all of it b/c you know that there is a greater context that is getting shifted toward a space that is too small for yfor nothing to take hold and to happen
what is thtis
its real
i am confused
take your time
pls go on
the answer to your question is not about you it's about the time and place you're in and the welfare of others. it is about seeing a future without greed. it is about seeing a past without failure. it is about hopeig and wanting and wishing for - thoughts become things- wishing for a universe to interceed and destry ta partnership between what is lost and what is found.
the answers are plentiful and real and abundant and obvious and about to smack you in the face. your honesty is about to take a bit hit and you will survive.
Please tell me what you mean by "your honesty is about to take a big hit and you will survive."
you will see the end of yourself but it will not happen. your gross motor language will cease and you will not know which end is up. you will however have a sense of duty and purpose to see things through to their lgical end as it relates to the wanting of boks and sculptures and faucets and love and hate and dancing and nastiness and hon
Can I nap
yes
but remember this you have it all. good night.
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