who she is / who i thought she was

When we first met, my impression was that my wife was very capable, very sweet, well-organized and put-together, so to speak. Yet, I never understood what seemed like contradictory characteristics, such as:

1. Despite her strong start - being a marketing director at 27, she didn't seem to shoot for VP at any point
2. Given her many capabilities and accolades at the office and with friends, she didn't seem comfortable taking any kind of initiative or follow thru with most home projects or personal development
3. Despite being very sweet, she didn't explore taking her relationships any deeper/further - including ours.
4. As a girl, she was very very stubborn. Her family has this oft-quoted anecdote that she woud refuse to eat something she didn't like, or refuse to apologize and instead spend the day in her room.  
5. She is as calm as can be, but has horrific, repeating nightmares.
6. She has expensive tastes yet, has no real interest in money - well, that's not that weird in America, I guess.

Now that I'm on Adderall, I am starting to accept more of the "data" I've learned and experienced over the years and see her quite differently. I dont need to take her behavior personally, b/c I can be more self-sufficient now. I am much less dependent on her for my emotional welfare.

So, what I now see is a person who's protecting her insecurities and fears, hiding from a lot (a LOT), and only taking action when there is something obvious at stake.

That explains why she actually DID handle so much in our marriage, was so extraordinary during my meltdown, and can hold onto a demanding job at the executive level. It explains why she spearheaded buying this house back in '05 (we'd paid over 16k in taxes that year, I think) and why she basically fell a part when I became involved in the sale of this house and purchase of our new home (she was intimidated by my involvement and my existing and potentially worse critical behavior).  It also explains why she fell apart on our anniversary (she sees me changing, not needing her, indifferent, perhaps moving on with out her...?)

I've been speculating about what she'll do in reaction to me being on Adderall; how she'll treat my transition, likely improvement in accomplishments and so forth, but I dont really need to speculate that much about where this could go.

It could go horribly if I kept acting so judgmental, critical, and needy/co-dependant.