Hero complex

A vision of being the hero; saving the day; accomplishing so much that I get reported on. It's been a life full of that kind of fantasy. Being THE MAN.

That vision drove me to do some pretty cool things, for sure. And, it's great to have a vision, for just that reason. It can be very inspiring.

But then again, it can be self defeating. I now see how simply striving for a big, awesome goal - without the necessary foundational support (money, experience, relationships, etc) has actually hurt me. I wouldn't have so spectacularly failed in my business if I'd taken that grounded approach. I wouldn't have tortured myself with ego-centric fantasies of how I should really be treated by my peers, coworkers, family.

So, here I am. In a single contributor role at an agency that is probably losing step with the times. I'm am here because of two things: 1) It's what I am actually capable of, and 2) I have a blessed opportunity to build what I never really took time to do in my 20's or 30's or early 40's.


Maybe I'll reinvigorate this place, maybe I wont. What really matters is that I get a lot better as a person and everything will take care of itself. I can learn how to effectively execute, balancing excellence with timeliness. I can learn how to balance work and family and relationships  I can learn how to productively advocate for change. I can learn to sustain my health. I can learn how to respect and manage money. I can learn to be careful about who I seek counsel from. I can learn to hold myself accountable - even when others don't.

And from those lessons I can rebuild my life and my career in a way that will hopefully line up with some of those aspirations I've had.