Reflecting on MVVA ph1

Overall, I did just "ok" in the pursuit of my goals, but the real success is in the fact that I  basically learned a lot about myself and what it means to be a functional adult.

The way I see it, my lessons all boil down to three things:

1. schedule the time to do things right away
2. use check lists to do things correctly - and learn from the successes and gaps
3. quickly escalate points of confusion to break ambivalence and learn the best way(s) forward. 

There are many areas that still need a lot of attention. Those areas that I did focus on, still need plenty of work. None of this surprises me, however. Turning myself around is going to be a lot of work and will likely take years - but hopefully only a 2-3 and not 10 or more. 

I am proud of what I've done so far- especially when I compare it with the past...

I had an unconscious need for power, b/c I couldn't control my decisions and follow-through well. I ached for power and wanted to be the "hero" to somehow triumph over my chronic failings. So, I looked to take on more and more responsibility, thinking that would protect me or empower me somehow. I also relied on checking out and fantasy in order to cope with the confusion and negative feelings resulting from NOT having real power.

But, since I had untreated ADHD and no awareness whatsoever of how to execute, I compensated by leveraging  my relationship-building abilities and distracting ppl with my humor and charm. Time was running out on me, though. As I got older, it became clear that relationships are built on being reliable and following through - not on fun and blowing smoke up ppls butts. And, no one gives a shit about my feelings or my emotional needs. Leaning on ppl for that (especially when they couldn't lean on me) was eating up my network. I also compensated by just throwing a ton of hours at my responsibilities, which also became less and less possible, given my family and house upkeep responsibilities. 

In short, if I didn't get diagnosed and treated, and if I had to take a job in a more "corporate" and unforgiving environment (or, if I remained unemployed!), I was going to have to seriously reset my expectations about my life and my happiness.  That's why I am proud  - and it's why I am so grateful. I am on the threshold of an amazing year and I am pretty sure I have the plan to realize many more accomplishments. 

Here's a recap with results of what I accomplished since last April:

Ph1. First MVVA: the hopeful test

Results:

• Of the entire suite (Emotional, Intellectual, Relationships, Profession, Health, Shelter, Finances, Spiritual), I really Zeroed-in on a new ‘daily drill’, losing weight, getting a stable job, saving money.
• Pass = 1; Mediocre=2; Fail=3
• Score=1.63
• Pass: fit + well-muscled, high energy, rarely sick
• Pass: house, property, and cars in good shape.
• Pass: no-waste budgeting, initial investment strategy concepts; at least $10k
• Pass: emotions even-keeled; helpful; strong connection to my heart
• Mediocre: intellectual- min goal: 10 books; reach goal: 24
• Mediocre: kids, friends, family, colleague relationships are strong
• Mediocre: strong, secure, upward trajectory established. Mentor team lined up.
• Fail: spiritual routine established involving others
• Good experiment. I learned (finally) that taking on too much = risking getting NOTHING done. Supplements rule! Adderoll is awesome – AND  I need to rebuild myself from the ground up.
• Good outcomes. Lost 30+ lbs; got a decent job with plenty of room to rebuild; 40k+ in the bank; we’ve maintained the house, cars; I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I did. That says something about my abilities.
• Downsides: still have a bad habit and drive to want to be the hero in taking on too much