About us

This moment of our 10th wedding anniversary has particular significance and has gotten me thinking about our lives in the broadest context.

I've been thinking that this DNA that we're made of all comes from the Big Bang - the so-called stardust of the universe that became the planets and life and then intelligent life. And the idea that we’re all made from the same DNA also - perhaps incorrectly - leads people to say that we are all meaningfully connected together somehow.

I say “perhaps incorrectly” because I think the idea of saying that we’re all meaningfully connected together somehow – that we are the same and therefore should act the same – is like saying two identical computers have some unique connection. They simply are wired the same way, draw the same conclusions, operate the same manner, and therefore are so similar. It’s easy, therefore, to predict how they will act:  in identical circumstances they will act identically by the coincidence of their design and construction. When circumstances change, however, they may perform quite unrecognizably from one another.

I also say “perhaps incorrectly,” because there does seem to be a connection – but in a more visceral sense. The universe is a constant scene of matter coming together to create more matter, as a result of gravity.

Gravity seems to be a force that exists everywhere in our universe, bringing together the smallest bits and particles or largest rocks and meteors and so forth.  The coming together – then fusing together – of matter, creates an enormous amount of heat and, in turn, creates an enormous amount energy. Ultimately we have stars, that may one day, billions of years later, explode, spreading their particles of matter throughout the universe, guaranteeing that the process repeats itself throughout infinity.

It’s gravity ultimately creating entropy and back again.

So, the stuff that we’re made of – that star dust DNA - It seems as though the process of being us or being in a society or being a culture or being in a family of being in a friendship is all about dealing with that tension between the forces of entropy and gravity.

Except, as humans, we have some measure of control, a choice, regarding coming together and being pulled apart.

And as I look back on our years together and reflect on how we are, and as I think about what we can become, I realize that we will always face those two forces of entropy and gravity. We will always have a choice in coming together or being pulled apart.

Those choices are not insignificant, even as the details of their circumstances may belie. Maybe our coming together is seemingly insignificant as in coming together over a meal or as significant as co-creating our children. And maybe our being pulled apart is small, like not being able to spend quiet moments together free from stress and distraction, or as enormous as in seeing less and less of one another and becoming alienated and bitter.

Reflecting on those early days of us coming together, it’s a bit surprising to me how naive we were. How much we thought we already knew...How much we thought we had already accomplished and how certain our future was to us.  I look back on how our years together and I see that we are maybe feeling a little bit more tired, a little bit less inspired and energetic and a little bit slower. I think that when we feel those things and reflect on the many qualities and positive aspects of that life-giving force created by us coming together in these shared ways, I recognize that 10 years on, we actually have far more energy, far greater resources, far more power, far greater sustainability, and a much brighter future ahead of us than we could ever possibly thought possible.

Our time together has afforded us a new set of commonalities, a new set of shared beliefs, a new set of shared perspectives - in habits and logic and language. I think where that leaves us, is with a new set of feelings and ideas and actions we have created in ourselves that have bonded us together. It’s a gravitational force that is quite real and powerful.

The more that we travel this life together and the more that we develop and create new thoughts together, and new habits, new behaviors, new actions, the more that force of gravity will take hold, and the closer we will become, the more energy we will create for ourselves and for our family - and for their families.

While we have not made ourselves conscious of the full realities of our circumstances, I think in our time together so far, we have developed a kind of unspoken wisdom about what it means to work with these two forces that are so incredibly - even overwhelmingly - powerful.  

In coming together, we are source of life giving and mutually reinforcing energy, just like a star. And we can be comforted in knowing that the love energy we create, the intensity of our shared habits, actions, thoughts, plans, visions, will create much more than influence. It will do much more than guide or shape our environment. What we create between ourselves and within our family is an energy source that will be carried into the core of our children and as our family grows in age and custom and eventually like the stars in the sky, become particles again, we will know that our children will be warmed by the particular life-giving wisdom that resulted from our first coming together. And, as fully-realized people, they will one day allow gravity with other, similar beings, and become like stars of their own.

This moment, therefore, of our 10th wedding anniversary, has particular significance. It is a look back at the somewhat casual way we’ve operated and it is also a window into a more conscious way of experiencing and choosing how we come together and what we create. It is a moment of understanding the past as separate from today -  and our future together. This moment allows us to recognize the awesome power of what it means to be together.

It is remarkable because it means that, in this new context, we are renewed. And like our younger selves, we are bound together by a very simple concept: wanting to be together.

You are, without a doubt, my ideal match my greatest partner my favorite friend, the greatest gift and my most awesome and constant source of inspiration.

And so as I think about this past chapter - our first chapter together - and as I reflect on our next chapters to come, all I can say is thank you.

I love you, I admire you, I see you for all of your strengths and vulnerabilities, I'm fascinated by you, and I am more committed than ever to being your co-creator and collaborator and husband for the rest of our lives.