My new Job Description

Here's what I pulled together to give me focus in the weeks and months ahead:

DO THIS TO STAY SANE

Her Boundaries

• Dont overstimulate me
• Avoids too much data / visual distractions (mess)
• Dont box me in
• Thrives off of alone time / me time
• Does not have any ability to reflect on her behavior and learn from it
• Doesn’t want to be held accountable to agreements or details
• Doesnt ever want to be put on the spot, for any reason, ever
• Emotions are unfamiliar, scary / bad
• Very sensitive to other’s emotions / moods. Easily threatened and will retreat if she spots any unpleasantness whatsoever in herself or others.
• Takes most things personally.
• Doesn't empathize well with others.
• Friendships ...
• are great source of fun, but not precious; if it’s not working, move on

What she gravitates toward

• The “good life”  
• Cleanliness.
• Pleasant, positive and light interactions.

Our relationship works the best, when:

• We are at parties
• We are apart
• She is relaxed
• She is feeling supported
• I.e. when I share supportive comments and do “nice things” for her
• I’m the “Manny” that takes on as much worry & work for her as humanly possible.
• Responsibilities
• Girls: Proactively planning upcoming events; taking them girls places / playing with them / wrangling when we are out together
• Cleaning & Maintenance: House & laundry is immaculate at all times
• Tasks: As agreed and defined by her; Proactively debrief her on what’s on her plate & what she’s thinking about for the future with house, girls. Take on her other tasks & responsibilities as thoughtful favors that don’t need to be repaid
• Budget & bills: track & limit expenses as much as possible.
• Mail:
• House Projects:
• Tracking: dates, steps, timing plan of action for food, house, cars, girls, bills

• Day-to-Day Role
• I will strive to be proactively transparent and remain vulnerable, in every possible situation
• I will not bring any attention to myself,be threatening ever, for any reason. Therefore, I will:
• Consistently have a light, pleasant, can-do mood and positive energy. By contrast:
• NO complaints, negative “victim” emotions of any kind.
• NO excitement /  boastful comments
• Take care of my personal FESPIPS needs ( financial, emotional, social, pro, intel, phy, spir) will NOT interfere with any aspect of her life.
• I will work within a “manage up” communication model that:
• Is positive, tangible, succinct, and low-stakes
• Is via skype or email to intrinsically force accountability / CYA
• Uses a 24 - 48 hr rule of thumb for any replies / input needed from her
• Therefore, I Will NOT:
• Make her upset; show that I am upset
• Hold in my emotions
• Trigger her fear of the unknown
• Be unpredictable
• investigate something unfamiliar,  pursue adventure,
• Make requestsBe demanding for anything 2-way / mutual
• affection, quality time, sex, open sharing of emotions, empathy, romance, gratitude, or sentimentality
• brainstorming or live conversation
• Agreeing to my plans, ideas
• Appreciating anything about me or my behavior
• Believing my statements
• Responding to my questions, saying thank you to complements, acknowledging when I speak to her
• Changing her approach to existing habits (i.e. inviting me to calendar items, putting street address in calendar invites)
• Saying “our” vs “mine” in talking about things that are actually ours.
• Wake her up while sleeping
• Put her on the spot, in any way
• Request any favors, unless it’s to approve a different way I will fulfill my responsibilities (i.e. staying late, but I’ve lined up help to clean kitchen and put girls to bed) - and with plenty of notice
• Engage in any thinking around “why she is this way ?” vs. accepting who she is

• What I need for add’l resources:
• Energy (water / foods? Stress mgmt? Sleep? fitness?)
• Executional / time mgmt hacks for above tasks
• Tracking & optimization tactics