I talked about doing lots of research about the various personality disorders. I talked about how tough it is to learn about the difference ways that I am screwed up. I also talked about the ways that I made up personalities ended delusional things. Like a broken arm in the fourth grade or pretending I was in maine sunday school play or taking on the personalities of characters in movies or developing a persona as a result of characters in movies and I watched or comedians and movie actors that I liked.
She said that she is not too concerned with labels like personality disorder 0 she is more concerned with the way is that the lack of emotional regulation makes my life difficult or other lives difficult.
She also talked about how she's more interested and helping me return to me. She gave an analogy of a parent that didn't let her child take a moment after skinny and how that sends a message that your feelings don't matter and how that creates a sense of confusion and frustration and self repression and unresolved feelings for perhaps a lifetime. She talked about my own circumstances and how perhaps I didn't have the space to understand Who I am and so I have spent all this time trying to figure out what's wrong with me and why do things that are counterproductive because at the core I don't really have understanding of who I am. She said that she wanted me to return to who I am.
She also suggested that I just return to the bedroom and sleep with my wife and not necessarily try for sex or anything more than that just go for safe proximity.
I don't know if that's a good idea at the moment I think its maybe something work towards.
I also think that my wife and I share something fundamental, and that is that we were not allowed to explore who we really are. We therefore dealt with that confusion in different ways, partly because we're different people of course, and partly because our treatment was very different. Her was simply not being able to talk about certain things. Mine was much more volatile. I don't know if I'm right and I'm not really in a position to pursue investigating the ass but it is interesting nonetheless. return return.
She mentioned that all this behavior is the result of wanting and needing attention and love. It is as though I have been trying to fill up on Snickers bars instead of having healthy food and so I never fill up
Interesting because I wonder if my wife it's free to be herself I wonder if she is in the tax in situation that she wants lunch it was a kid unable to really express yourself enzo she's hot how solace at home in her room. Return return we talked about work things I mentioned that my nose is cystic baby ear showed up as coming off as being market people then I actually was, trying to live out something that is not realistic, not following through with specific instructions or didn't feel like falling through, and generally not being a good team 8 because I had to have it my way, or was behaving passive aggressive lady, like talking behind people's backs, or under mahoning them insignificant wife, and when you take all that and you reflect that the whole promise of me being in that role in the first place was flawed and that my execution was flawed am I follow through with flawed ordinances it was probably very very easy to make the decision to get rid of me
She sad that she thought my behavior may have something to do with a natural father child relationship that is created by a boss and s apartment. It was is this she was implying that I was transferring. I responded that it was more than I had to have my fix that I had to feel in charge are loved and that I was speaking out other people who would help me feel that way suck a day focus on be more functional and successful in my life she replied that it seems like an addiction. I said it was more like I was gay for this day since I didn't know how to satisfy the score feelings I feeling of acceptance and because I had a real self identity which she agreed then I was console in search of something to fill up I heart. She said I need to think about my kids egknowledge their feelings and gate with them and spend time with some and so forth im so scared about what I'm doing 2 other people an to my kids
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