I am (very?) narcissistic

I've taken a few online tests and i pretty much show up as a narcissistic person, with some paranoia, borderline personality disorder and a couple of other similar things, depending on which test it is.

I think my disorders are the result of not knowing how to be functional and choosing to pretend to others and myself that I actually am not only functional, but a thriving success. One test I took recently said that I had "no self identity" It's true on many levels, I think. I dont really know who I am. I just chalked that up to ordinary circumstances - most people dont seem to know themselves - but I can see that because I've been pretending to be something heroic or noteworthy my whole life, I've never really understood ..."me."

This kind of changes a lot of things regarding my plans for my future, because I can honestly say that I probably want certain types of career paths and aspirations for my kids due to the above. Passing along my issues is very scary. I dont want to set my kids up for the same bruising and painful life that I've had.  I think I've been drawn into doing some very dumb, self-serving, and even risky things because I needed to be seen as the hero and to feel heroic. But, I can honestly say that I dont think I've done ANY thing that is genuinely heroic - and very rarely do I do things that are self-sacrificing.

I do have some positive qualities, but I can see that many are laced with the notion that I am behaving in a way that fits my heroic ambitions and ideas of myself, vs a genuine embracing of doing something nice for another person. It's hard to sort out.

As I think about the various fantasies I create for myself, there are two constant themes: being at the center of admiring attention, which is sexual, war-violent, and career-powerful/rich; and, wanting those fantasies to actually feel real and plausible on a deep level.

Clearly, I want to live out those fantasies and therein lies a source of my frustrations. Another source of that frustration,I think, is the idea that I am indeed often confused about how to succeed in life - whatever that success is supposed to look like for who I am. Exacerbating my situation is the need to vent those frustrations via porn and hyperfantasizing - essentially "doubling-down" on poor habits to try to develop positive ones.