My Self Esteem and Relationships

My narrative that being popular with women was something that became my identity, sort of misses out on a major issue - namely, that I may have significant self esteem issues.

These issues prevent me from making clear & sound judgements. I tend to favor approvals from the outside and when I dont get that, I feel profoundly alone and abandoned. 

I guess we all wrestle with this kind of stuff, but I am starting to see my self esteem limitations as why I can't face certain challenges. It's why I disregard those who cannot give to me. They are doing to me what I've been doing to me for a while. 

No wonder I am so eager to join in conversations, relationships and even groups where people are "lost". They come across like they like me and welcome me into a caring circle. It's like they're going to take care of me. 

Nope. They like me because I am coming across like I'm going to take care of them. 

Self esteem - regardless of what is happening to me - is something I need to become much more expert at. When it comes to being more self-sufficient, I need to do it with a purpose and focus on others - not just from a tasks perspective, but in a behavioral way as well:

• Taking care of myself and my stuff
• Being positive, loving and motivating/helpful
• Create a safe, open line of communication. Communicate when/how she wants. Dont be edgy or sarcastic around her. 
• Engage in her interests, ideas
• Ease tension w/o losing the point. Laugh at myself. 
• Nullify the "I have to do everything" argument: divvy up the chores