Invested in the Outcome

Last few posts have been about my attitudes about being invested in the outome and not knowing the path fwd, necessarily.

I just saw a video about movie editing and listening to people talk about their work, hearing lines like "i feel like i get payed to play. it's not about specifics, its about creating an emotional ride."

It would be natural to assume that a marketing role such as mine would be a good balance of the commercial and the creative enterprise. It's not.

Yet, I dont want to be a starving artist. I have a family to take care of.

I think i see a future which integrates all the things i need and love.

writing stories.

It's what i've done my whole life. It's what came naturally to me as a little boy, on rainy days and sunny days. I would see story archs, characters, fantastic events and try to create stories that captured them.

I've never seriously considered this as a future, b/c I learned early to negotiate with weakness and gave up on a writing career at 12 yrs old, when I was too afraid of getting picked on, to go to my own high school. I chose to go to a trade school instead, where i could recast myself as someone new. Little did i know how much that would alter my career path - and how little it would help me not get picked on.

I've had a story in my head for a while now. A nice little love triangle drama.

Hmmm.