I was reading the huffington post about divorce. basically mentioned that divorce is result of marrying for love, being selfish re: cheating, neediness, turf wars, etc. Rest is criminal activity, drug addiction, chronic cheating - really bad stuff.
Thinking about whether or not i married for love. did i>? not really. married in a state of dependancy - financial, emotional, even professional. the entire time i've subconsiously delivered whatever goodness at least partially wanting something in return. sex, approval, admiration, etc
if i dont get sex, approval, admiration, then i rage or withdraw or fantasize and worse - i blame her for my feelings.
when i consider what love is, as i really understand its most noble definitions, it's positive regard, respect, and attachment. i've nailed the attachment part, but what about regard and respect? i'm not going to swing the pendulum all the way in one direction and actually claim that i didnt love my wife, because i do respect her and i do have positive regard for her. i cant say, however, that authentic respect and regard has been my primary motivation in my marriage.
that's mind-blowing and sad. it doesnt say very much about me.
In a recent wedding, the pastor said that marriage is not a contract, wherin if one or both the parties fails his/her obligation the agreement is dissolved. its an unbreakable covenant, a shared responsibility to foster and grow. if one party drops the ball, the other must pick it up.
i've been looking at my marriage like a contract, i think.
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