Responsibility and my Ego

by not meditating and containing my ego, i am letting it - forcing it to- be an issue for others, which with they certainly dont want deal.

That naturally creates a set of implications that hurt my chances of employement, promotion or other professional success, not to mention my friendships and marriage.

i sink into my egoic tendencies and indulgences and then loose self-respect, which in turn, casts a shade of fear and self-loathing across all my ideas and actions about relationships.

Why does it feel so good to indulge and feel so bad after? I guess that's a universal and silly question.