Epiphany

I was just in a meeting when several personal insights came to mind:

1. I am too much focused on likability versus accountability and accomplishment. (and accountability is what drives respect and appreciation from others)
2. Masturbation and sexual fantasies are my pathetic way to replicate feeling liked
3. Accountability and accomplishment Acc2 is my path to self esteem
4. I have this impression that people dont like me, but what if it's not personal? What if they don't like my behavior and approach to pandering?
5. Part of my potential Acc2 is where my drive and interest lie - which need to be more fully defined.
6. Another part is in skill-building in areas of listening, public affairs, sociology, anthropology.
7. I cover up my feelings of not being liked and my intuitions about not being respected and insecurities about my lack of victories with very negative attitudes and behaviors such as anger, anxiety (over being fired, left, etc), depression, isolation and ultimately escapist fantasies. Such fantasies perpetuate the whole scheme.
8. According to at least one person the above outward behavior is completely obvious.