Where the F are we going?

This blog was started to chronicle my progression from essentially a victim of circumstance- past and present - to being a captain of my own life. Now, over two years later, I am facing the same sorts of issues, compunded by my parental responsibilities.

My primary effort was to focus on my career. To rise up the ladder and get into a position where I would give myself the freedom to make the right decsions for myself, my friends, and my family.

Secondarily, I made a big push to become enlightened, which I define as being free from worldly bs: caring about what ppl think about me; wanting to keep up with the jones's; not falling into depression and isolation. It's also fountain for love and understanding in dealing with others.

Back then, I thought I could be both. I remember joining What is Enlightenment and talking about how I wanted affluence and englightenment. I remember their patient and gracious reponses - talking about how difficult and perhaps unnecessary that goal was.

I now realize that I dont want both. I just want enlightenment, as I currently understand it. The pursuit of affluence, i now realize, just creates a constant struggle for survival. Possessions become something that have to be defended and focus on them is too great. It pulls one away from love and family, i think.

Survival, however, is no fantastic thing, and I have no idea how to 'survive' in the physical sense (not to mention how to provide that for my family) if I were to openly pursue enlightenment. I want to be a better person. I want to be with my family and connect specifically with humanity and generally with God's creations. I want my little child to be a strong, loving, transcendant person who is a great friend, lover, mother, wife - a whole person not defined by her posessions or career title. My wife wants these same things, but somehow we're not connecting on this topic.

So, onward i work. stuggling to survive, seperated from love, at a shared income of $300k. How absurd.

There's a better life waiting for us. A life that let's us travel; a life that gives us plenty of time to deepen relationships with friends and family; a life that encourages us to ask the big questions and share the answers; a life that is filled with growth and meaning. An enlightened life.

There are obstacles to this life, though.

• We dont know how much money need


• We dont have any clarity on what an enlightened life looks like


• We dont have any precedent on the pragmatic aspects of an enlightened life


• We need a grip on our financials


• We're probably too worried what other ppl think


• Obviously, we have no plan fwd